If you consider yourself an introvert, like me, then you probably shudder at the thought of networking. The large crowds, interacting with all those new people – it can be exhausting.
But you know that networking is important. Often in life it’s not a matter of what you know, but rather who you know. I can attest to that. My last two jobs were the result of knowing the right people.
So how do you overcome your fear and make contacts like a rock star?
While I still don’t enjoy attending business networking functions, I have come up with a few tips to make me more comfortable. Just remember, there’s no one solution for everyone and you don’t need to be the life of the party to be great at networking.
Start Small
As the saying goes, “You have to crawl before you can walk.” The same thing applies to improving your networking skills.
If you’re introverted and you don’t feel comfortable talking to large groups of people, going to a networking event is beyond intimidating.
I used to find myself overwhelmed by all the people and wouldn’t end up talking to anyone unless they approached me.
Then I decided I had to change my mindset and I decided to start small.
Instead of looking at the hundreds of people, I would focus on one or two people at a time. By thinking in terms of small groups, interactions became less intimidating.
So when you’re starting your journey to networking guru, set a goal of talking to only 3-5 people. Or maybe your target could be to get the contact information of one new person.
This way you reduce the pressure of meeting half the room and you can still feel successful even if you only talk to a handful of people.
Rehearse Questions
Small talk is a big part of any networking function. It can also be an introvert’s biggest fear.
When you meet new people, do you struggle to find something to say? Do you find the conversation rapidly coming to an end?
One way to overcome this is to prepare and practice questions beforehand.
When meeting someone knew, remember FORD. FORD stands for Family, Occupation, Recreation and Dreams. These are four great topics for conversation starters.
Before your next even, use the FORD acronym to come up with a handful of questions you can ask.
(Family) Do you have any children?
(Occupation) What company do you work for?
(Recreation) Did you take any vacations recently?
(Dreams) What’s the one hobby/passion you’ve always wanted to pursue?
Once you have some questions, practice asking them. Stand in front of the mirror or enlist the help of a friend/significant other. The idea is the more you practice, the more comfortable you’ll be asking the questions. It starts to become second nature.
The other great thing about tailoring your questions to one of the four FORD topics, is they quickly help you make a connection with someone.
Getting people to talk about things they enjoy (family, hobbies, etc) is one of the tips Dale Carnegie describes in How to Win Friends and Influence People. Not only does it help you learn about the other person, but they will be more likely to remember you in a positive way.
Take a Friend
While the goal of networking is to expand your contact base, having someone you already know attend with you can be a great stress reliever.
Early on in my career I thought it was best to just start meeting as many new people as possible. Yet, every time I would also be anxious and uncomfortable. I figured the feeling was normal and as I grew more accustomed to attending these mixers it would go away. But it never really did.
Then a funny thing happened. I attended a social event with some coworkers and that feeling of anxiety slowly melted away. In the beginning I didn’t realize why, but after a while I started to see the power of having a friend.
Not only does having someone you know give you a nice fallback when meeting new people becomes too much, but your friend can be your networking wingman.
Instead of everything being on you – introducing yourself, keeping the conservation going – your friend can take the lead. It’s a lot easier to be in a conversation with two other people than to be one on one. Plus, chances are your friend knows some people you don’t. So instead of a cold introduction, you can have your buddy introduce you. Making a connection with someone is much stronger if you have a mutual acquaintance.
Everyone Feels Awkward
One of the best pieces of advice I received about networking is to remember that everyone feels a little out of place at business networking events.
While it’s easy to get inside your own head and psych yourself out, remember you’re not the only one feeling that way. Don’t feel like everyone you meet is waiting for you to slip up and say something stupid. Chances are they are trying not to say something stupid themselves!
Just because making professional connections is a necessary part of growing your career, it doesn’t mean that people love doing it. Most people would probably rather be somewhere else.
So, instead of worrying about what others will think of you, remember that the person you want to talk to is probably thinking the same thing. You could even bring up how awkward networking events are! I’ve found that realizing most people there are sharing the same experience makes it easier. Instead of worrying about how I feel, I can focus on having meaningful conversations and making some awesome connections.
Have An Exit Strategy
Before every flight, they always show you the location of the exits. As an introvert, my approach to networking is no different.
How many times have you been in a conversation with someone that seems to never end?
You try to find a way to wrap it up and leave, but for some reason you can’t find the right time. No matter how entertaining or enjoyable the conservation is, there will always be a time for it to end.
That’s why before you even start talking to someone, you should have your exit strategy in mind.
In the same way you need to practice questions beforehand, practice exiting a conversation. Enlist the help of friends or even just practice in the normal course of your day.
Every conservation is different, but with time and practice you’ll get the feel for how to exit gracefully. Usually a simple “Well, it was nice meeting you” or “Nice talking to you, I better let you get back to your group” works fairly well. Asking for a business card or contact info is also a great way to end a conversation (plus that is the goal of networking!)
Come up with some on your own and try them out. Figure out what works and what doesn’t. And don’t be afraid to mess up. No one is perfect 100% of the time.
Being comfortable with small talk and leaving a conservation helps relieve a lot of the stress around networking. Instead of worrying about what to say, you can focus on getting to know the other person and increasing the number of new people that you meet.
Putting It All Together
As an introvert, networking is pretty low on the list of activities I enjoy doing. But, over time I’ve come up with strategies that have helped me relax when I’m at those events.
By starting small and practicing, I’ve noticed a major improvement on my view of business events. Instead of worrying so much that I end up only talking to a few people, I’m now much more at ease. This has allowed me to meet a lot of incredibly interesting people and gain new perspectives that I wouldn’t have otherwise.
What’s your least favorite part about networking and what have you done to overcome it?
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